Master Different Ways To Accepting Compliments To Build Self-worth

Today, I want to talk about giving and receiving compliments, but mainly about how we accept them, whether or not we are genuinely accepting them, and the negative impact on us when we aren’t.

Accepting compliments is grace. It is an acknowledgement of the compliment received, another generous way of giving back to the person paying the compliment. In its subtle way, it truly is a gift that keeps on giving.

How many of you find it challenging to accept compliments? If you are one of the people who have a difficult time simply accepting compliments, then you are not alone.

I myself was one of those people, and it took a few years of practice to recognize a compliment whenever someone pays me one and to be able to then quickly accept graciously with a simple “Thank you.” Eventually, as I improved with the practice of receiving, I may confidently add, “I appreciate your kind words.”

One of the biggest reasons behind my challenge of accepting compliments dates back to how I was raised. I watched how my parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles rejected compliments as part of their culture. We are to be humble. Therefore, it’s only polite to act coy and say something along this line, “Oh, you are too kind.”

In linguistics, the word “Too” is an intensifier. However, we use it quite commonly in our everyday language. Therefore, we must be aware and responsible for our words and how we use them daily. Unless clarified, the word “too” carries a negative connotation of excess or overabundance.

For example, “too kind” might be taken positively, though I might disagree that this context is positive. There is either kindness or none. “Too kind” implies too much, and we can never have too much kindness. Kindness exists when you freely want to give.

Ironically, graciously accepting thanks proves to be humble, respectful, and graceful. Being humble equals being courteous and polite.

So, what does rejecting, shunning, or denying a compliment look like? Here is one scenario:

Team Leader: You did such a great job on your recent performance.

Team Member: Really? Thanks, I didn’t think I did a great job at all.

For the team member to fully accept the compliment, it would look like this:

“Thank you very much. I appreciate that.”

Or, “Thank you. Your kind words mean a lot to me; I worked hard on this project.”

Acting coy and not properly accepting the compliment can inadvertently put the other person down. The exact opposite rings true for genuinely accepting the compliment; it acknowledges the compliment being paid and honours the person paying the compliment. It is a win-win situation. Both parties feel great about each other and help boost each other’s confidence. There is a subtle display of confidence in their recognition of the greatness of the person they are complimenting.

Further, deflecting a compliment is also an indirect way of not accepting it and shifting attention away from the recipient.

Why would anyone hesitate to accept a compliment? While receiving compliments can be flattering, many of us struggle to accept them. There can be several reasons for this.

One common reason is embarrassment—when the recipient feels uncomfortable with all the attention directed at them, especially in front of a crowd. Another might be guilt or awkwardness, mainly when they are the only one being complimented while others are not.

Here’s an example of what diverting attention away from the compliment may look like:

Anna: You are a great writer, Jennifer.

Jennifer: Oh really? Thanks, Anna. What about Ashley? She is a great writer, too.

Though Ashley may be one great writer, Jennifer here must acknowledge that Anna has just paid her a compliment. It’s essential to honour Anna and accept the compliment. Accepting the compliment is self-acceptance, which is part of self-love.

Over time, failing to accept compliments can negatively impact our self-worth. What then becomes a frequent practice would be losing love and respect for ourselves as we continually diminish self-acceptance and acceptance of others.

On that note, how comfortable are you with accepting compliments? Think of the last time you received a compliment. Can you remember what it was and how you responded?